Title: Clint Barton's Day Off
Fandom: Marvel 616
Characters/Ships: Clint Barton & Kate Bishop, Wade Wilson
Rating: Teen
Length: 1,515 words
Written For: genprompt bingo round#13 prompt: day-in-the-life - allbingo March 2018 prompt: day-in-the-life (free space)
Summary: Clint is just trying to have a relaxing day off.
Originally Posted: March 17, 2018
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Clint Barton was trying to relax.
"You gonna sit on the couch all day in your underwear, staring at dumb television programs, Barton?" Unfortunately, Kate was being super judgmental about his method of relaxing. Kate Bishop; best friend, partner extraordinaire and occasional pain in his ass.
"It's my day off."
"How can you have a day off, you don't have a real job?" Kate was standing in front of the tv wagging her finger at him. It'd be almost cute if she hadn't been blocking the screen.
"Being an Avenger is totally a real job." It wasn't like Kate had a real job either, she wasn't even an Avenger. Avenger adjacent, maybe.
Kate shrugged. "Whatever, you hungry?"
Clint eyed his roommate suspiciously. "Why?" The question totally felt like a trap.
"I'm thinking about picking up a pizza."
"I could eat."
The phone rang and Clint frowned in its general direction. He hated dealing with phone calls. It was never easy to hear on the phone, not even with his hearing aids. It wasn't like he could read lips over the phone.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" There she was, being judgy again.
"Wasn't planning on it." It was his day off, he didn't need anything to get in the way of the big fat nothing he had planned. Kate rolled her eyes and moved over to where the phone was on the wall. Clint directed his attention back to the tv. He'd thought she'd never move. He was vaguely aware of Kate answering the phone and talking to someone but he had most of his attention focused on Dog Cops. He'd seen this episode before, it was one of his favorites.
Kate walked back into the room and sat down on the couch next to him.
"Who was on the phone?" He asked.
"Tony Freaking Stark."
"Oh." Great, she was starstruck over Iron Man.
"Oh?"
Clint shrugged. He'd worked with Tony for ages, he wasn't that cool. "What did he want?"
"He called to tell me that they're making me an Avenger, but since they don't need two Hawkeyes, you're out."
"What?" That got his attention.
Kate shook her head. "Tony said to tell you the poker game has been moved to Wednesday night."
"Oh, okay." That made way more sense. Not that he didn't think Kate would make a great Avenger, truthfully she'd probably make a better one than he did, but she was still a kid. Practically, more or less. Whatever.
Kate got up. "I'll go get that pizza."
Clint's stomach growled. He probably shouldn't have skipped breakfast.
He was still in front of the television when Kate returned three hours later with four pizzas.
"What took you so long?" He was so hungry.
"Would you believe I interrupted a robbery in progress at our favorite pizza joint?"
He believed it. "That took three hours?"
"No, being dragged downtown to give the police my statement eleventy billion times took up most of that time."
Ugh. The police had been getting extra cranky about superhero involvement lately. It was really annoying. The pizza was good though. The place had given Kate extra as a thank you for helping them out. The two of them shared the pizza with Lucky and put the leftovers in the fridge.
Clint volunteered to take Lucky out for his walk. It was a nice early Autumn evening. Still warm enough not to need a jacket. So far Clint's day off had been fairly uneventful, just the way he liked it. Sure Kate had run into problems while out getting the pizza, but she did fine and he got to watch his programs uninterrupted.
Unfortunately for him, he came home to an uninvited visitor. His least favorite kind. To make matters worse it was Wade Wilson. Wade was sitting in Clint's spot, remote in hand, a big bowl of popcorn in his lap. Kate was in the kitchen, looking suspiciously like she was hiding.
"I didn't know we had popcorn."
"He brought his own." Kate sounded exasperated. Being around Wade Wilson for any length of time did that to people.
"Of course he did." Clint went into the living room. "Hey Wade, what's up?"
"Watching tv." Wade didn't even bother looking up at Clint as he stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
"I meant, what are you doing here on my couch?"
Wade finally looked up to him. He wasn't in his Deadpool get up, instead, he was dressed in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt. He almost looked normal, it was weird. "I came over to see you, but you weren't here?" Wade shook his head. "I don't know, I must have had a reason, but I can't remember why. Ask your girlfriend, maybe she knows."
Girlfriend? Clint's gaze drifted toward the kitchen. "Katie's not my -- never mind." He headed back to the kitchen to find Kate sitting on the floor, reading something on her phone. "Do you have any idea what he's doing here?"
Kate looked up and shook her head. "Nope, he rang the doorbell, invited himself in and sat down on the couch with the popcorn. He didn't even offer me any." Kate was sulking.
"I don't think you should really eat anything he brings over."
"I know, it's just nice to be asked."
Clint rolled his eyes. Women were strange. Of course, Wade Wilson was stranger and dangerous to boot. He really needed to get him to leave. He headed back to the living room where Wade was now watching a familiar looking horror movie.
"So, um, Wade?"
"Oh hey Hawkeye, how's it going?"
Clint sighed. It as going to be one of those nights, maybe he could just go to bed now. Though the thought of leaving Kate alone with Deadpool wasn't exactly comfortable, neither was the idea of going to sleep while Deadpool was in the other room doing who knew what. It was going to be a long night.
"Don't you have your own place with your own tv?" Was that rude? That kind of sounded rude. It totally didn't sound that rude in his head.
"What?" Deadpool stuck another handful of popcorn in his mouth. Was he even chewing?
"Wade, I've got some stuff to do and you're kind of in the way?"
"Didn't you invite me over?"
"No, I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that."
"Huh? But you made popcorn."
"No, you brought that with you."
"Really? That's weird. Why would I do that?"
"That's exactly what I've been asking you for the last ten minutes. Are you okay, Wade?"
"Yeah, yeah. I think so. Probably? I think there was a thing I was supposed to tell you though, or maybe it was the other Hawkeye, the cute one."
"Katie?"
"Hmm...no, I don't think that's it."
Kate came stalking into the room. "Stop calling me Katie, Barton. My name is Kate."
"Yeah, that's it. I'm here to see Kate." Wade said.
"I'm the one who answered the door."
"I don't think so." Wade put the bowl of popcorn down next to him.
"Yes, I was. It wasn't that long ago. You totally ignored me when I asked what you wanted."
"I guess I didn't recognize you, were you wearing a mask?"
"Why would I be wearing a mask in my own home?"
Wade shrugged. "I do it." Of course, he did.
"Okay kiddies, I'm going to bed. So, Wade, you need to tell Katie what she needs to know and get going."
Wade looked at his watch. "You've got quite the early bedtime grandpa Hawkeye." Kate snickered and Clint ignored them both. Clint's day off was almost over, he had to report back to Avenger's tower in the morning.
"So, that thing you needed to tell me?" Kate prompted.
Wade scratched his head. "I think one of your friends is in trouble or needs to see you or something."
"Which one?"
"One of those things."
"I meant, which friend?"
"Oh, I think it began with a b. Like Bobby or Boris or Botulism."
Kate closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Clint could tell she was losing patience. "Billy?"
Wade flailed his arms, knocking the bowl of popcorn on the floor. "That's it. The message was from Billy."
"I'm going to go call Billy and see what's going on."
A few minutes later Kate came back and kicked Wade in the shin.
"Ow, what'd I do?" Wade didn't seem all that phased.
"Billy isn't in trouble, he said he saw you and told you to say hi to me."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. You helped him with a job last week." It was hard for Clint to keep from laughing when Kate used air quotes while saying 'helped'.
"Okay, message received. Time for bed and time for you to go home, Wade."
An hour later Clint finally got Wade out the door. Kate picked up the remaining popcorn and dumped it in the trash. At least most of his day off had been relaxing. Maybe his next day off would go more smoothly.
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