Title: Hawkeyes Always Fall
Fandom: Hawkeye Comics
Characters/Ships: Clint Barton/Kate Bishop
Rating: Teen
Length: 1,191 words
Written For: fan_flashworks challenge #220: Fall
Summary: Kate is feeling bad about how a job went down, Clint tries to help.
CW: hurt/comfort, depression, angst - and a death is mentioned, after the fact. Not a major character, just an original unnamed character. This story deals with how to deal with that fact that you can't save everyone.
Originally Posted: March 11, 2018
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Kate's world felt like it was falling apart. Someone had died on her watch. She may not have been directly responsible but it didn't change the fact that an innocent bystander had been pushed into traffic as a direct consequence of the fight she was carrying out in the open with the bad guys. It didn't change how a little boy was going to have to grow up without a mother.
Kate had to wonder, if she hadn't been there would that woman still be alive? They hadn't even caught the super-villain asshats. Apparently, it was easier to win a fight when you didn't care about collateral damage. Sometimes being a hero sucked. Kate felt like there was no winning in this world. She was starting to realize why Clint acted so grumpy so much of the time. The battle felt never-ending and in the end what difference did it even make? The bad guys won and people died, maybe not all the time, but enough of the time that it made her question her life choices. The thought of hiding under the covers for a few days, maybe even weeks, sounded so good.
"Come on Kate, time to get up. You've been in bed all day." Kate peeked out from under the covers to see Clint standing in the doorway.
"Everything sucks." He should know, he'd been there, never mind the fact that he'd been doing this job for far longer than she had.
Clint laughed like it wasn't funny at all. "Yeah, what else is new?"
"We're not supposed to let the bad guys win and get people killed." Kate wrapped the blankets around herself. "We're supposed to make the world better, not worse."
"Kate, this doesn't sound like you. You're starting to sound like me, it's a little scary."
"Sorry, I keep stealing your stuff." His name, his gig, his gear; maybe it was time to quit. To just let it all go.
"I kind of wish you'd leave the doom and gloom to me. It doesn't really suit you."
"Like it suits you?" He was so full of it.
"Hey, I'm old. I'm supposed to be bitter and jaded. You've still got some years before that sets in."
"Guess I'm just advanced for my age."
"Come on Kate, you really need to get out of bed."
"No, I really don't." The bed was soft and warm, she liked it there.
"Come on get up."
"No, and you can't make me."
"Put some clothes on, we're going for a walk."
A walk? Yeah, no. Not happening. Kate had no plans to leave the bed until her bladder told her to. She pulled the blanket back up over her head. "Leave me alone." Clint was silent for several minutes. Kate thought maybe he'd given and left. Figuring it was better to be safe than sorry, she stayed under the covers. Another minute ticked by before she felt the mattress move from under her and then she tumbled to the floor. "What the hell?"
Kate pushed the blanket away and glared at a very smug looking Clint. Had he just tossed her out of bed? He was such a dead man.
"Come on, don't forget to grab a sweater or something. It's chilly outside."
"Sure, grandpa" Kate grumbled at Clint, though he was already out the door.
She complained to herself the entire time it took for her to get dressed, which didn't take all that long, because who was she trying to impress? She was going to go on this walk with Clint and she was going to push him into traffic, or maybe off a building. Yeah, off a building would work. She didn't bother with a sweater or sweatshirt mostly because he told her to and partly because she didn't have anything clean.
Clint was waiting for her by the door. He was wearing a fleece jacket and a knit cap. What a Boy Scout. She stuck her tongue out at him. He smiled and opened the door. "After you Hawkeye."
The nerve. "Screw you, Hawkeye", she grumbled under her breath and felt bad about it five minutes later. None of this was Clint's fault. He was only trying to help. Kate knew he had to be hurting too. She should probably try being nicer to him.
Clint led the way out of the building and out into the crisp Fall air. She suppressed a shiver. Clint was right about the jacket, it was chilly. Of course, she wasn't going to let him know that.
They had been walking for about fifteen minutes when Clint shrugged off his jacket and held it out for her. She crossed her arms and shook her head. She didn't need his jacket. She was a superhero, she could handle a little cold weather.
"Don't be so stubborn."
The purple fleece did look warm and cozy. Kate shoved her pride aside and took the jacket. It was still warm from his body heat. She resisted the urge to rub it against her cheek. "Thanks."
"You know it wasn't your fault, right?"
Kate closed her eyes. She could still see the little boy sitting on the curb, crying for his mother. It broke her heart. She felt strong arms wrap her in a warm embrace. "It feels like my fault."
"I know, but it isn't." He stroked her hair. "We can only do our best. Sometimes people get hurt. Sometimes they don't make it."
"I hate it."
"Me too, Hawkeye, me too."
"Do you ever wonder if we're really doing any good?"
"Everyday of my life."
Kate sighed. She had the sudden urge to kiss him. She pushed the thought away. Now was not the time for bold yet foolish gestures. "Then why do it?"
"I think you know the answer to that, Kate."
She did. If she wasn't doing this, what else would she do? She'd tried to quit before. This job had a way of pulling you back in. She knew it was the same for Clint too. They were cut from the same purple cloth."We didn't even catch the bad guys."
"I've got someone from S.H.I.E.L.D. doing some research on this new group. As soon as we get some new intel we'll go after them, okay?
"What if someone gets hurt again?"
"We'll be careful."
"Promise?" She knew it was stupid but she needed this. Kate hated feeling insecure. She felt totally off her game.
"I promise, we'll do our best."
Kate nodded and took a step back. He let her go. "I'm hungry, you hungry?" Her stomach grumbled.
"I could eat." Clint could always eat, the man was like a bottomless pit. Not that she was one to talk. Running around on rooftops and falling off buildings burned a lot of calories.
"Pizza?" Kate was in the mood for pizza.
"You read my mind." Clint held his hand out and Kate took it. They held hands all the way to the pizza place a few blocks away. Everything felt a little better after pizza. They made sure to bring leftovers home for Lucky.
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