Fandom: Hawkeye TV
Pairing: Clint Barton/Kate Bishop
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Deals with the aftermath of sexual assault. Nothing explicit.
Length: 1,494 words
Summary: After an undercover mission gone horribly wrong, Clint comforts Kate in the aftermath.
WARNING: discussions of sexual assault and attempted rape. There’s nothing explicit here, but the topic is still a heavy one - please take care.
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She'd been sitting at the kitchen table, both hands clutched around her mug of coffee long enough for it to have grown cold. She was alone when she finally got herself out of bed after too much tossing and turning and too little sleep. Achey and exhausted, she felt totally humiliated. Before she could get sucked into another doom spiral, she heard a key turn in the lock. A moment later Clint walked in, laden with a couple of grocery bags, a pizza box, and a little bag from the bakery down the street. Kate let go of her coffee mug and got up to help. He didn't kiss her hello, give her a hug, or try to touch her even a little bit. Frowning, she turned to him. "Are you mad at me?" She hated the neediness in her voice but she had to know.
"Why would I be mad at you?" Clint looked almost heartbroken at the thought.
She flopped down in her chair and grabbed hold of her mug again. It was a comfort thing, she wasn't actually planning to drink the lukewarm coffee. "For screwing up the mission." She looked down at her hands. She'd almost forgotten about the scrapes on her knuckles and bruises on her wrists. She closed her eyes. Her brain decided that was the perfect time to replay scenes of her struggling as she tried to fight off four men at once. She'd failed of course. It had been a losing battle, even for her. Kate took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and pushed aside all memories of the incident at that horrible bar. She'd been a fool for going in there on her own, she was just lucky she'd remembered to wear the earbud that Clint had given her and that he was nearby wearing his. He’d saved her. Again.
"You didn't screw anything up, Kate. The mission went sideways. It happens." Kate pushed her coffee away and slumped in her seat. "Hey," Clint said. He sat down and placed his hand on the table in front of her. He didn't try to touch her, simply left his hand there so that if she wanted to touch him, she could. It was up to her. She took his hand and for a moment she let herself cling to him with all the desperation that she felt. After the moment passed, she forced herself to smile and let go of his hand. “How about we have some of that pizza?”
—
"Let me put away the milk first." He got up and busied himself with putting away the few things he’d picked up while he was out. "I got more coffee beans - the good stuff - you were almost out." He grabbed a couple of plates and set the table. Kate stared off into the distance as she absentmindedly played with her hair. She wasn’t even looking at him. It broke his heart.
"I flinched." Kate looked up at him for a moment but couldn't seem to meet his gaze. "This morning when you reached out to touch me, I flinched, and then when I finally got out of bed, you were gone." Kate dropped her face to her hands and shook her head. "I'm sorry I screwed up the mission. I thought I could handle it. I didn't think I would screw everything up.
“Again, you didn’t screw anything up.” He was the one who was sorry. He shouldn't have let her go into that bar alone. He'd known that the thugs that frequented the place were bad news. They were connected to Fisk, how could they be anything but? He just hadn't known how bad until it was too late. When he'd finally gotten there, she'd been splayed out on the pool table, skirt hiked up, and four guys holding her down. If he'd been a little slower, he wouldn't have gotten there in time to stop what they were trying to do. He knew it could have been worse. Could've gone worse. But they'd had their hands on her and that was bad enough. Hands that were now broken, which was something at least, especially as he'd been the one to break them. He didn't feel even a little bad about it. They'd live and while their bones healed, maybe they'd rethink some of their life choices. "Please stop apologizing for things that are in no way your fault." Clint ran his hand through his hair. "I wanted to give you a little space, so I went out for a few errands.” Clint sat down, opened the pizza box, took out a couple of slices, and put one on each of their plates. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”
"I don't need space, Clint. I need you." She reached her hand out to him and he took it.
Kate didn't eat much. He wasn't surprised but he didn't like it. After stashing the leftovers in the fridge, they moved to the couch to watch cartoons. He’d left space between them but Kate closed it by curling up on her side and resting her head in his lap.
After a couple of hours, Clint noticed Kate's breathing change as she began to drift off to sleep. He nudged her gently. "You still awake?"
"Barely." Kate's voice was soft and sleepy.
Slowly, he carded his fingers through her hair. "Want me to bring you to bed, or did you want to sleep here?"
Kate turned so he could better see her face. "Bed - on one condition."
He gently brushed the hair out of her face. "What's that?" Seeing the bruises on her neck made him want to break those assholes' hands all over again.
"Join me," Kate implored.
Clint hesitated. He wanted to, he really did but he didn't want to make things harder for her. Was him sleeping next to her really what she needed right now? She added "please" to her request in a voice filled with so much desperation, there was no possible way for him to say no.
—
Nightmares woke her up several times during the night. Each time, Clint was there to comfort her, enabling her to fall back to sleep until the next bad dream woke her up. It wasn't exactly restful but it was a lot better than it’d been without him in her bed.
Unfortunately, morning came all too quickly. "I'm gonna jump in the shower," Kate said. Clint didn't respond and it took her a moment to remember that he didn't wear his hearing aid to bed. She tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned in her direction, she sat up and mimed taking a shower.
He gave her a thumbs up and reached for the drawer where he usually put his hearing aid when he stayed over. "I'll see what I can rustle up for breakfast."
After her shower, Kate slathered on the cream Clint gave her for her bruises. There was a slight scent of clove to it, along with a couple of other things she couldn't quite identify. She'd smelled it on him before, of course. Superhero-ing was rough on the body, especially when you didn't have fancy powers or cool regenerative abilities.
Clint leaned against the counter, a steaming coffee mug in his hand. "There's leftover pizza on the table."
"You heated it up?" Kate grinned. "Fancy!"
She took a bite. It tasted even better than it did last night. "Thank you - I'm sorry for not saying it last night - I was too stuck in my own head - but thank you for going out and getting food yesterday. I really appreciate it."
"Not a problem." He poured coffee into her favorite mug and placed it down in front of her. "You're looking good, especially considering how many times you woke up during the night."
Kate shook her head. She still didn't feel like herself. "I just want to be better already. I want the nightmares to stop so I can sleep again." And she didn't want to flinch when someone she cared about - someone she loved, tried to touch her.
"Give it time."
"It's been like a week already."
"Kate, it's been three days." Clint sat down at the table. "At least let the physical bruises heal before you get impatient with all the rest." He picked up a slice of pizza and took a bite. "Healing's not a one-and-done thing, it's a process. It's not even a linear process. Sometimes it's more like one step forward, four steps back. It jumps all over the place."
Kate groaned. She hated this.
"Hey, you've got this." Clint moved his chair closer, so they were almost touching. "And you've got me - every step of the way, for however long you want me here."
Scooting over so her thigh touched his, Kate rested her head on Clint's shoulder and closed her eyes. She was so grateful she didn't have to go through this alone.
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